I’m having a stress lately and really can’t do anything academically or this properly. I just read novels to numb my feelings. Because I’m learning psychology in college, I know it’s a bad move. My feelings already became numb enough and it’s seems so hard to think seriously.
My stress coping strategy actually isn’t like this. I do read novels, webtoons, etc in my free time to regulate my emotions. I still could keep up with college, clubs, even a student research team. Now novels are where I seek something like drugs.
Previously, I had the mindset of ‘It’s okay. Everyone make mistakes. There’s another way to handle this. Not perfect but that’s enough.’, something like that. But it become like ‘Ah. A mistake. Why. Let’s put it away. Ah. It’s getting bigger. Just run away.’.
I actually wanted to write a blog about novels I read in the meantime to give a sneak peek. Maybe, one of them I’ll pick them up to translate in the future. Tho, it’s became another one of my stress diary entries.
I keep getting more afraid of making mistakes. I… I feel lost.
I feel my time feel shorter than everyone else. When usually in a day I could go to classes from morning to afternoon, then club activities until dinner, and doing some random projects or assignments before sleep. I could do so much productive things in a day.
Seriously. I wonder what have been robbed in me by the end of 2019 that made me like this? What’s missing?