No matter how hard I tried to hold my mind, it was a little hard to go through suffocating silence several times on the same day.
It was just for a moment I thought I had recovered my mind well, but I was called to the company and had to endure all kinds of gazes, sighs, and snubs with a smile.
I don’t know if my position in the company is firm or thick-faced enough to be stiff in a situation where it’s obvious that ‘I’ did something wrong…
But I was just an insignificant trainee 1 who would fly far away with one snort of Department Head.
I was able to return to the practice room only after bowing my back deeply, apologizing, and promising to accept any measure if this happened again.
Filming was paused for a while to talk to the members who share sorrows and joys. The thrill of meeting biases in front of my eyes was short-lived, and I had no choice but to keep my mouth shut at flying sharp words.
“Gong Ji Hwan, are you crazy?”
“Hey, stop it. Did he get hurt because he wanted to?”
“Ha Jun-ah, just leave it. It must have been frustrating for him, too.
“….”
With no manager, no filming crew, no training teacher, and only the debut group members gathered, I had to accept the cold reality once again.
“Sorry. I am sorry, hyungs.”
“If you make a mistake then apologize and it’s accepted, the world is comfortable. Right?”
“That’s enough, Jun-ah. Ji Hwan-i, you should go warm up too.”
Cold air flowed from the face where sharp words burst out over and over again.
Later, Min Ha Jun was called the ‘the only conscience’ after being rated as the fairest in Unravel.
And it was Kim Young Bin who comforted Ha Jun and glanced at me.
He was a member in charge of fatality and sexiness on stage, but he was a ‘clumsy small-fry hyung 1’ when alone with the members. He was also called a fandom maker because many fans started stanning due to that gap.
“Ha Jun-i hyung, Young Bin-i hyung. I made a mistake.”
“Yeah. Did you expect to have an accident when going out.”
“Why are we doing this on our own. Let’s practice.”
Besides four members of the Unravel I remember, there were also 3 more trainees including myself. And the most unfavorable among them was ‘me’.
It was a fact I found out while talking to Manager hyung, but I was lying on the bed without waking up for a whole day after the accident.
Thanks to that, the filming schedule was also twisted. So, it couldn’t be helped that all of them, who had endured until debut each day with the feeling that their blood was dry, were exhausted.
I struggled to suppress my anxiety as I thought of it.
No one was more desperate or less desperate.
Except for me, all six people in this practice room contained desperation all over their bodies and faces.
Gong Ji Hwan and I were like nails sticking out of this space.
“I am sorry. Please let me go this once.”
From now on, I had to squeeze myself into this group of people who were already more friendly and less friendly.
When I tightened my stomach and bowed politely to apologize in a loud voice, sighs were heard from all around.
I thought I had passed a hurdle with this.
I had no choice but to understand the position of Min Ha Jun, who still had a cold face.
Young Bin and Ha Jun were people who had already experienced their debut overturned several times. They must be thinking that ON Ent. is the last.
Moreover, Ha Jun even took the temporary leader position and was struggling to take care of all six people except himself.
Meanwhile, a car accident happened at a member’s leave from the dorm without permission.
It ended only with bruising fortunately, but it was something that could be serious.
After Ha Jun’s sigh, which was as heavy as the floor of the practice room was about to collapse, the atmosphere between us was settled.
Afterward, dance trainer Je Young ssaem1A trendier(?) and a shorter version to call ‘seonsaengnim’ or ‘teacher’. Similar to ‘coach’, but sometimes Korean also used the exact English term too. came in and we began to line up. Fortunately, I was able to follow as if my body remembered.
“Ji Hwan-ah, wait.”
“Yeah?”
“You just now, do it again.”
Reach out hands in the direction my body remembers, and as pointed out, put strength to the tips of fingers to align arms in a straight line. Then while counting the beats inwardly, adjust the steps, and even handle the gaze.
“Good, you’ve fixed it.”
“Thank you.”
When I thought it was ambiguous whether it would be good or bad for me to receive a compliment at this timing, the weight was certainly tilted with the trainer’s words that didn’t stop there.
“I was worried about the accident, but it got better. You must have worked hard.”
The song we’re practicing as a group was for the dance part evaluation.
Divide the team into 4 and 3 people to see what kind of stage the two teams create with the same song and try to meet the average. That was the caption I read when I watched the video before.
Male idols often had attractive perfect group dances, so the songs we covered had a lot of unique choreographies.
The previous ‘I’ seemed to have a greater desire to stand out than to melt into the overall choreography. That’s why ‘I’ was pointed out for being weak and sagging in matching formation, but I was praised today for that part.
A quick glance showed that some of the dissatisfied people had softened a little.
Je Young ssaem… Thanks!
“Kyung Hwan-i and Young Bin-i, pay more attention to your gaze. Se Bin-ah, use your body a little more. Ha Jun-i and Woo Bin-i also got much better…”
Speaking up to that point, Kim Je Young’s face began to have dark clouds as she looked at Choi Him Chan.
“Chan-ah, you’re not a kid like that. What’s the matter.”
“Yeah?”
“How many times did you get it wrong today?”
“….”
“Why don’t you answer.”
“I will pay more attention.”
The camera was running again from the moment the trainer came in, and everyone who knew it would have been concerned.
The most surprising thing is that I, who was prepared to be kicked off today, digested the choreography surprisingly stably.
“Now, start over again.”
Although she did not continue to talk to Him Chan anymore, Je Young ssaem‘s expression remained firm throughout the practice.
How much sweat did I squeeze?
I had never experienced sports other than PE and sports day during school days, so I was mentally exhausted even if my body could endure it.
Everyone was lying on the floor after practice. When I was also barely breathing, someone reached out to me.
“Uh?”
It was Kang Se Bin, who had never talked to me since the moment I appeared in the practice room.
“Hyung, eat this. A secret from Manager hyung…”
“Thanks. I’ll eat it well.”
What I held was a lemon-flavored lollipop.
This lollipop rolling in my hand made me feel a lot of emotions.
The one I gave to Se Bin at the end and the one I just received from Se Bin were the same product, so I thought I was going to cry.
“Hey, are you really okay? Are you sure you got a good checkup?”
“It is all right. There is nothing wrong.”
I gave the best smile I could make towards Min Ha Jun who hasn’t let go of all the sharpness in his voice but was talking to me as if he was worried.
Looking at that, Ha Jun chose words in his mouth a few times but eventually did not continue.
He seemed to have judged that it was inappropriate to say at this moment when the camera was running from all around.
“Ji Hwan-ah, car accidents are a deep-rooted illness2I’m not sure about this… . Don’t push yourself too hard.”
“Thank you, hyung.”
As I got up for the next practice and left the practice room, Kim Woo Bin let out words to me and patted me on the shoulder.
For a moment I was a bit touched, thinking that he must be worried from his appearance. My body stopped unintentionally in the ensuing situation.
– Skill ‘I Can Hear Your Voice’ is activated.
Please set the target.
When I involuntarily looked at Kim Woo Bin who had just given me comfort, something like speech bubbles from life simulation games appeared around Kim Woo Bin, and letters came up in it.
[You’ll be cut off soon anyway, but you need to be healthy to make a living when quitting trainee.]“Uh…?”
“What’s it. Gong Ji Hwan, what’s wrong?”
“Ah, there is nothing.”
[You should have gotten hurt badly if you wanted to buy a sympathy ticket. Stupid punk. Ah, hungry. I want to eat pork belly.]Candid lumps of emotion contained in the constantly rising speech bubbles.
It seemed that my mental training was insufficient to read and pass them with a light heart.
Raw naked text. Even though I knew it was just a combination of letters, it felt like I could hear the other person’s voice directly.
Finally leaving the practice room after checking if anything was missing, Min Ha Jun approached and looked at my face when I grabbed my head at the dizzy feeling.
“Are you sick? I’ll tell Team Leader, so will you take a break?”
“No. I must have been dizzy for a second. Thanks, hyung.”
“What no. Your face looks pale now.”
As Ha Jun put his hand on my forehead with a frown to see if I had a fever, the emotions that were running wild subsided calmly.
‘Anyway, all of this is for me and for Unravel to be happy. Get your act together.’
When I insisted on going with a clumsy smile, Ha Jun sighed like a habit and nodded reluctantly.
Meanwhile, Kim Woo Bin has already disappeared from view. As I glanced at Ha Jun, the message window blinked one after another.
– Do you want to change the skill use target?
Existing target: Kim Woo Bin > Change target: Min Ha Jun
This was Pandora’s Box.
And humans always couldn’t resist curiosity and opened the box.
When I swallowed my saliva unconsciously and looked at Ha Jun, I also answered no to him when asking why I faced him. And as I slowly followed him behind, I unconsciously muttered ‘change’ in my heart.
I tried to justify myself about how many fans will give it up when you can see what’s on your bias mind.
And then facing the sea of countless rising speech balloons, I lost what to say.
[I think he’s very sick… Should I force him to rest? Did I talk too harshly earlier…] [Kyung Hwan-i seems to be secretly eating snacks lately. Ha, I can’t even hit this punk.] [Him Chan-i looks like he has no strength strangely, but why’s that?] [What time was the one-on-one talk with Team Leader?] [What Se Bin asked to find…] [Who’s in charge of the laundry today? Where’s the notepad…] [I need to talk to Ji Hwan-i separately. He’s a kid who can do well if he holds on just a little bit…]‘No, don’t! Don’t use it! Turn it off! OFF!!’
I felt like I had sneaked a peek at someone else’s diary, so I was flooded with shame.
Although Min Ha Jun was not decided to debut and was scolded for being a temporary leader, he was full of thoughts about the team he had to take care of even during the short walk through the hallway.
Eventually even after his debut, Ha Joon became the leader of Unravel probably because he was such a person.
A person who only thinks about the team to the extent that there is nothing about himself among these worries. If he’s not the leader, who can be the leader?
The strange feeling of this moment that Sommungchi Gong Ji Hwan would never have experienced about Min Ha Jun but felt as trainee Gong Ji Hwan.
The emotion that filled my heart to the point it ached was none other than ‘happiness’.
At least he was as upright as I believed he was. My fanaticism3Not in a bad way. Since this is the closest English word. Perhaps it can be changed as ‘choice in stanning’. is not wrong.
So, I said this to Ha Jun without realizing it.
“Jun-i hyung, thanks.”
“Uh?”
“I’m so glad that Hyung is the leader.”
The expression on Ha Jun’s face at the moment seemed to question whether I had eaten something wrong, but he soon smirked with a slightly relaxed face.
“After a car accident, it seems that the person itself has changed? Even now you say thanks to me.”
There was nothing I could do but smile, knowing that I would be treated as a madman and kicked out if I told him that it’s true that the person has changed.
For the first time after I opened my eyes again, I felt that this was my new life, not the fantasy novel Poing was talking about.