#003 It’s okay, I won’t die
My consciousness is hazy.
My hands and feet didn’t move as I wanted, and my head was unclear as if there was a fog.
It feels familiar.
This was because I had studied lucid dream in hopes to find a new material to use in a web novel someday.
Of course, the work was completely ruined. After experiencing lucid dreams several times at that time, there were often cases where my consciousness often wakes up in a dream like now.
It’s a playground.
There I was running around with a girl. I’m obviously conscious, but my body moved freely regardless of my will.
‘It’s been a while.’
This was a nightmare I’ve had regularly when I was very young, but it’s the first time since I’ve became an adult. It felt fresh to see it again after a long time.
Unfortunately, the girl’s face was not seen. It’s blurry overall and I can barely tell what kind of expression she was making.
‘Because it’s been more than 20 years.’
At that time, our parents were working. I didn’t even have a phone or a computer, so I played alone in the playground every day.
The girl who forcibly pushes a dumpling made with dirt into my mouth was also a child who often came to the playground, if not as much as me.
As far as I remember, we got along pretty well.
Until that guy comes.
‘There he is.’
A big black cat entered the playground entrance. He was the leader of the local street cats, and was called ‘Nero’ after the lyrics of the popular song at the time1“Black Cat Nero” by Turbo. If you know Kim Jong Kook of Running Man, that is his group’s song. .
It had unusual size comparable to a child at first glance. The guy proudly passed the playground and climbed up the tree.
– It’s Nero!
– You’re right.
– But, Nero is kind of weird.
– That guy’s always like that.
– Noo-! Look that well!
Kim Ha Neul turned her head at the girl’s whining. Nero was restless and unable to come down the tree.
– I’ll go save him!
– No, dangerous.
– Huh? What?
– Nero has bad character.
Nero was a guy famous for its dirty personality. It was common to hit the same cat, and it also attacked young children who were alone.
It also had a good brain at that. It was a smart guy who suddenly disappeared when the kids’ parents went out to catch it.
– You can’t even climb a tree.
– If you leave it alone, it’ll come down on its own.
Kim Ha Neul spoke quite bluntly. But like most of their age, the girl could hardly take her eyes off Nero.
Kim Ha Neul, who sighed a little while looking at her, rolled up his sleeves. After making the girl back off, he skillfully began climbing the tree.
‘You’re trained as a playground.’
From the rotating stage, which was commonly called the centrifuge, to jungle gyms and cloud ladders in the playground at the time. There were many items that could be seen only in the guerrilla training ground.
It has been demolished for various safety reasons now, but Kim Ha Neul, who has been trained to the extreme in such a playground, should be easy at this point.
– Be careful!
– It’s okay, I won’t die.
Kim Ha Neul climbs a tree proudly shouting The No. 1 Will That Men Say The Most. I felt mixed up knowing the ending.
– I got… Agh-!
As soon as Kim Ha Neul reached for Nero, who reached the top, it raised its toenails and scratched his wrist.
I’m speechless. Having slashed a child’s wrist with a distracted size. Kim Ha Neul inadvertently let go of his hand in the surging pain.
I clenched my teeth.
Decades later, I still can’t forget this dizzying sensation of floating in the air.
Kim Ha Neul, who fell to the floor, his consciousness blurred with the shock, and Nero slowly came down from the tree and disappeared somewhere.
The screaming girl came running. Kim Ha Neul’s wrist was bleeding profusely, and he couldn’t speak properly due to the shock delivered to his brain.
– Don’t die, you must don’t die!
The girl’s tears dripped over Kim Ha Neul’s face. Kim Ha Neul tried to smile even though his consciousness was blurred.
– It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m not going to die.
Yeah, I won’t die.
Because I’m still alive now.
However, the scar on my wrist at this time bothered me terribly. I was bullied at school because I was misunderstood as a ‘child who attempted suicide’.
I wasn’t the type of person who just lived through it and had to pay back twice if was hit. Such things piled up and piled up, and eventually our family’s wealth declined.
I started studying late after seeing my parents’ tears, so I entered Seoul National University after retaking the exam. But, I’m still half unemployed. There’s no one like me who’s a bad son.
– Sorry, I’m sorry, don’t die…
But how long does she cry. With the fading consciousness of little Kim Ha Neul, even the moment I wake up from my dream. She didn’t leave my side.
Still leaving the hazy girl’s face behind.
I slowly woke up from my dream.
It is often the case.
As soon as you open your eyes, you instinctively realize that something is wrong. At times like this, it’s almost 100% because you’re late. But…
“Tha, that surprise me!”
I got up in surprise, and Kang Ba Da, which looked more surprised than I, was staring at me.
“Ba Da ssi? Did I……”
“You’re asleep. I can’t tell who’s going to catch me.”
“…What time is it now?”
“Don’t worry. It’s only been an hour since you slept. I’ve also pushed the reservation behind.”
“That’s a relief.”
I thought I was asleep for half a day. Of course, just having a deep sleep at the hair salon is a big problem. But, it is still possible to patch things up.
However, the eyes of Kang Ba Da looking this way are unusual. On the surface, she is expressionless, but something pouty aura is coming out.
“When did you sleep properly?”
“Yester… Ah, the day before yesterday.”
As soon as I said yesterday, her eyes changed like an axe, so I changed my words quickly. I guess they found out I’ve been up all night.
‘…It’s a big deal.’
I failed to manage my physical strength from the first appointment, and was showing my bad side in front of others. There is nothing to say even if the contract is canceled unilaterally.
‘Then do I have to spit out 5 million won?’
This is why you shouldn’t spend money just because money came in. I can’t ask my parents to return it now, so I’ll have to work labor for the time being.
Then I have to wake up at 5:30 a.m. at the latest, and go to labor office to work, and when I come back from work place, it’s about 19 o’clock. It takes me four hours to write one chapter on average so…
“Ha Neul ssi.”
“You didn’t hear me now, did you?”
“…Uh, hm. I’m sorry. I’m still half asleep.”
“I asked when I slept for more than seven hours without waking up.”
I swallowed my silence at the words of Kang Ba Da. I couldn’t think of such a day in my life even if I thought about it carefully.
The terrible insomnia I got during my school days continues to this day. Since the military added sleep disorders to it, I haven’t done anything called ‘deep sleep’.
Now that I’m so used to insomnia, I just drink energy drinks or coffee and work until I’m half-fainting.
“You don’t even remember, do you?”
“…I’ll make a reservation at the hospital I go to. Get sleeping pills there and force yourself to sleep.”
“I don’t really like taking medicine.”
“At least get counseling. Otherwise, our contract will be destroyed.”
“If you want to get paid for a long time, take care of your health thoroughly. I don’t have any desire to get a widow’s title at a young age.”
Kang Ba Da speaks with an unprecedentedly determined gaze. I nodded gravely because this was an inexcusable and unnegotiable part.
“Don’t lie to me now.”
I didn’t mean to, but I got caught lying to avoid the situation. It is inevitable that credibility is being undermined.
I’m glad the contract isn’t over here, and I’ve redefined my future plans.
‘I’ll have to make a routine.’
Taking sleeping pills is a bad thing, but taking them properly according to doctor’s prescription will definitely help.
I didn’t go to the hospital because I didn’t want to waste money. Investment to do a better job, and furthermore, I should go to the hospital for my health.
‘But is Ba Da ssi also have insomnia?’
Didn’t she just say ‘the hospital I go to’? I guess what I see on the outside is not everything. The rich must have their own worries.
‘You can use this in the novel.’
Deficiency is by nature the most basic desire to move a person. It’s the same for the main character in the novel, so a proper lack is a great driving force for the flow of the story.
‘I’ll have to ask her someday.’
In terms of data investigation as well
Even to do a better job.
It is necessary to find out about the worries of Kang Ba Da. Of course, I can’t ask her right away, but I’ll have to make a chance next time.
“I’m going to go somewhere for a while, so Ha Neul ssi get your hair done. I’ll be back by the end.”
Perhaps her anger has not eased yet, so Kang Ba Da left the room with a slightly stiff face. Shortly after, Ryu Yeon Hwa came in and picked up the scissors herself.
“Ha Neul ssi.”
“I won’t let you go if our Ba Da cries.”
It was a little scary to talk with scissors in her hand.
No, I was a bit very scared.
* * *
Kang Ba Da, which came out to the emergency stairs, sighed a small sigh, leaning against the wall.
‘The scar on the wrist…’
While Kim Ha Neul was asleep, Kang Ba Da secretly checked his wrist. Kim Ha Neul always wore long-sleeved clothes, so now she finnaly could checked it with her eyes.
He is that boy she was looking for.
Well, that’s a fact she had already guessed. It was a new feeling to check like this.
‘…I’ve been looking for him so much.’
After that day, she went to the playground where they played together every day, but she couldn’t meet the boy. Even after she became a student, she asked around, but there was no answer.
She didn’t know until later, that it was handled by the family because they were afraid it would be a trauma her young heart. Then for the first time her life, she was angry with her family.
Of course, that didn’t change anything.
It’s already been too long to find an unknown boy. As the family hoped for at first, her emotions were slowly eroded over time.
‘…but I didn’t expect to meet him here.’
The human relationship is amazing. When she tried to find him, she couldn’t see it even dying, but only after giving up all of them he appeared in front of her.
– Are you not hurt anywhere?
– Oh, yes…
– Don’t walk near the road from now on. If you walk like that with an expensive bag in your hand, it’s like protesting for a snatch.
The first time she saw him, she noticed right away. Kim Ha Neul grew up just the way he was when he was young. Although he built a wall on people and a little more feisty than then.
– Then I’ll go.
– Wa, wait a minute! Give me your phone number!
– That’s a bit of a problematic.
– I have to run away now.
Kim Ha Neul suddenly disappeared after leaving that comment. Kang Ba Da, who was staring blankly at his back, didn’t understand what he was saying until she heard the siren.
– Uncle officer, over there!
– Oh, my… That’s going to hurt a bit.
– That’s cheap, though! They took this girl’s bag, and a young man in a hat suddenly kicked him! Blow it away…
On behalf of Kang Ba Da, an aunty who watched the whole situation explained very enthusiastically. The police came up to her after hearing the circumstances.
– Do you know him?
– Yeah? Uh… No. Why?
– The law is ambiguous… Obviously, he did a good job, but under criminal law, he used unilateral violence against snatchers. He need to be questioned by the police together.
The eyes of Kang Ba Da turned to the snatcher. The two men, who were two robbers, were just being rescued under a motorcycle.
No matter how slow their speed was, they were in the middle of driving. Since they weren’t dressed properly, they were covered in blood all over, aside from the motorcycle.
I have to run away now.
– …So, that’s what he meant.
– What did you just say?
– I’ll call the company’s legal team to take care of this.
The police voiced doubts, but there was no time to explain them one by one. She had to find Kim Ha Neul who disappeared somewhere.
Since then, Kang Ba Da has handled the case neatly through the legal team and managed to find Kim Ha Neul by searching all the surrounding CCTVs.
‘…He lived a hard life.’
Once she got the name and address, it was easy after that. She quickly learned what kind of life Kim Ha Neul lived and why it happened like that.
If she had just felt guilty about it, she could have dealt with it neatly as a financial reward. Somehow, she felt uncomfortable in a corner of her mind, so she visited him herself.
– Is there anything you want?
– That you’re not finding me.
– Not that one.
– Not that one.
– An awful lot of money
– Not that one.
– Do you hear tactless a lot?
Kim Ha Neul’s expression shows that he was annoyed, let alone remember her. The problem was that there was a need to win.
She wanted to see his embarrassed face somehow, so she threw a ‘marriage’ as a bait that looks like he would never accept.
‘You’re crazy. Kang Ba Da.’
Kang Ba Da remembered the marriage registration form in the deepest part of her safe. Then her face flushed for no reason.
– Ba Da, so you are serious?
– Why don’t you say no? You’ve been looking at a sleeping person’s face for an hour.
The conversation she had with the hair salon director before coming out made a mess in her head.
She couldn’t deny it when she already said she was going to get married. Kang Ba Da had no choice but to smile awkwardly.
‘…What should I do?’
Kang Ba Da sat down, covering her face with her hands. She consciously took a deep breath and tried to calm her beating heart.
‘…I think I still like him.’
An innocent love she thought was over.
It’s boiling red.